Thursday, March 22, 2007


The stereotype is that all the stars must be perfectly aligned for a wife to want to have sex.

That's an exaggeration, of course, but there is some truth to the fact that some people (including some wives) do need or want an emotional component to sex.

For me, physical intimacy is often connected to emotional intimacy. Lots of examples come to mind, but it turns out that there are some things that I don't want to share here! Even if they are good stories. At least, not tonight.

If I feel fat, or have had a bad day, or am tired, or angry with my husband, I don't feel much like having sex. Probably, I don't feel very sexy, either.

That said, once Paul and I really confronted the changes in our relationship, once we started honestly discussing how very wrong things had gone, our physical relationship improved dramatically.

That seems odd to me, but I am beginning to understand that sometimes it's good to be connected, one way or another. And once I realized that the emotional connection I'd always thought we'd had was at best severely damaged, then the physical connection became much more important.


ccw said...

I have noticed this, too. Often times it seems that when we are most strained as a couple is when we are physically the closet. I agree with you that it is because we need some type of connection.

seasonalkat said...

This is an excellent point, and it reminds me that I should definitely make the effort to connect with my sweetie and soon. Being mired in my own garbage right now definitely is keeping me emotionally and physically distant.

Thank you for the reminder!

Amanda said...

It's definitely hard to feel sexy with baby vomit on you. It's hard to keep any connection when you have children because of the time and effort they take. But all we can do is try. Isn't sex one of the adult's basic needs?

deb said...

How right you are, Sarahlynn.

Sarahlynn said...

Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not the only one!

Victoria said...

Your post totally resonated with me. I've recently addressed some issues in our relationship and, like you, it's actually removed some barriers to intimacy. It is imperative for me to feel able to communicate with my husband in order to feel attracted to (and attractive to) him. When we weren't communicating (and I was making assumptions) I didn't feel comfortable with sex.