They don't tell you . . .
They don't tell you that the weight you gain during pregnancy won't disappear immediately. They don't tell you that all the edema/swelling might take 2 weeks or more to subside, and that you'll sweat it out in bed at night.
They don't tell you about the hemorrhoids, except perhaps as a brief aside like this one.
They don't tell you about how your organs feel like they're sloshing around and banging into each other for a while. How you feel like you should hold your abdomen when you move, or perhaps invest in a snug girdle.
They don't tell you about the bleeding. Oh, you might hear mention of "the lochia." But they don't tell you that you could bleed through diaper-like giganta-pads hourly the first couple of days. They certainly don't say that you could still be bleeding 6 weeks later - 6 weeks! - and pads only, ladies. No tampons or anything else inside your vagina for those first 6 weeks. That includes bathwater, for those who like to bath and swim: you must wait.
No sex, either. But do you really want it?
Lack of sleep, bleeding, and hormonal vaginal dryness aside, at 6 weeks even relatively minor tearing will only be "about 80% healed." The stitching material won't fully dissolve for another month or so.
And your wonderfully sensitive doctor will give you the OK to resume "all normal activity," including exercise, tampon wearing, baths, and sex. If you're ready. Unless you'd like to wait some more. But it's OK with him - as long as it's OK with you.
So many disclaimers! Perhaps he's had patients laugh at the very suggestion. Or throw things at him.
Pregnancy is not for the faint of heart and neither is what comes afterward.
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6 days ago
8 comments:
Amen.
They also don't tell you that even when you're healed enough for sex, you aren't going to want it because the ovulation hormones aren't there. They say, "Oh, you're tired from the kids. Get a babysitter and make time for yourself and your husband." Baloney. Nature and birth-control pills both work the same way -- if you can't get pregnant, you just don't get the hormones that make you want to engage in the baby-making activity. So if somebody tells you you're just tired, ignore them.
When I worked, I had male friends who were counting down the days until their wives were six weeks post-partum. I tried hinting that perhaps there was no magic date and patience was in order, but I did not know them well intimately enough to go into a detailed anatomy lesson. All I could do was hope their wives fired with both barrels if they pounced like a rabid dog at 6 weeks to the day...
They don't tell you that sometimes sex can be painful even months after giving birth. Not slight pain but so uncomfortable you definitely won't be going back for more.
Thanks everybody. Now I'm even less excited about the post-baby stuff. Not the sex part, just all of the other stuff.
I hear ya, Camera. And what a great idea PPB, but horny teenagers won't care.
Believe it or not, I convinced my then husband that it was six MONTHS, not 6 weeks before we could have sex. And he bought it. The key is not to have your husband come into the examining room with you when the doc pats you on the thigh and says, "You're good to go." Leave him in the waiting room with the baby or, better yet, at home so he never gets wind that it is 6 weeks postpartum when you could resume sex.
Damn, I'm good.
See, this is the problem with all of my friends having kids before we've gotten around to it. I find out all of these lovely details and start having second thoughts. Well, third thoughts if I can't have a bath for 6 weeks. I can't go a week without a blissful soak!
Honestly, I never heard about the bathwater thing...Then again, I didn't have stitches down *there* to worry about, and was told that whatever bathing was fine after my c-section staples came out (1 week pp). I honestly don't remember if I would have considered it...given the whole lochia/no tampon problem.
Sex? Weeks? Months? Try having no libido for over a year. I knew I was gearing up to ovulate around thirteen months pp when all of a suddenly men actually looked attractive again. In the mean time, you need a nice glass of wine, a lot of KY, and for your DH to be REALLY nice to you ahead of time (and I'm not talking just foreplay here) to get you to the point of "willing" (not "eager", mind you).
I do feel sorry for those folks who conceive shortly after the wedding (or before)...are they in for a fun couple of newly-wed years!
I found "what comes afterward" in many ways much more difficult than pregnancy. I had NO IDEA it would hurt so much to pee for WEEKS. Nevermind the not being able to sit down without wincing.
Camera, I've heard that theory from other women too. Odd that doctors don't seem to be all over it.
Amanda, I remember that with Ellie!
SeasonalKat, it's true that no one other than Ada will be touching my breasts until she's weaned. Unless I need to get measured for a new bra. And you're SO RIGHT about the damn softeners. I didn't post about c-section recovery since I don't have first hand knowledge, but major abdominal surgery is no small matter.
Rob and Flatflo, at least it won't be a surprise!
PPB, somehow this is impossible to hear when it would be most useful.
Readhead Editor, that is unreal.
Tina, not breastfeeding can help. Dieting and heavy exercise aren't very compatible with breastfeeding, especially in the early days. It still takes a while for the body to regain its "normal" shape, though.
Kristi, my sister had a c-section too, and her doctor didn't forbid baths, sex, etc. I think it's an open cervix/possible bacteria spreading thing. I agree about th "extended foreplay" too.
Victoria, I didn't have the peeing thing, but I'm still sitting gingerly!
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