I had a very vivid dream early this morning.
I was me, and still just this pregnant. My sister Jessica was my sister Jessica, and still just as pregnant as she is (due a few days after me).
But in the dream, her tumor came back. I couldn't say the big T word this morning, when I was trying to tell Paul about my dream. It's still hard to write it, which is an indication of how real this dream seemed.
In the dream, she had a biopsy, which she said was painful. And the tumor was as we'd feared. What was a grade 1 or 2 astrocytoma had recurred as a grade 4 glioblastoma multiforme.
We were in family meetings with Dr. Cousins, her surgeon, discussing how long he could wait before going in and taking it out, with the unspoken thought of since the outcome was pretty much inevitable, could we wait long enough to save the baby?
In my dream, I went downstairs to see my sister as she was being prepped for surgery, and found her with her husband. I was there to say goodbye. She was holding his hand and saying, "We can do this. We can do this." She sounded so confident, I truly believed that she could beat the odds.
I can see where the different pieces of this dream came from: an episode of Grey's Anatomy here, a snippet from an email I wrote just after Ellie's diagnosis (and recently reread) there, our youngest sister's upcoming wedding (Jessica got sick weeks after my wedding).
But all my life, fiction has taught me that dreams are important, prophetic. And so this one's freaking me out. It's almost 6 years later, and I'm still scared that It might come back, and be worse this time.
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3 days ago
2 comments:
Gasp!
Grey's Anatomy, along with Shark Week, sugar cookies, and spending far more than I earn, might not be good for me, but are important components of my happy existence!
Just remember that fiction teaches us that dreams are important; what fiction DOES NOT teach us, is that dreams come true, or are prophecies. Only really bad, unsubtle fiction does that, as a way to try to explain otherwise irreconcilable contradicitions in the plot.
In good fiction, dreams come to characters at times when they really need reassurance, explanation, or reminders - and usually explain events (to the READER, not the CHARACTER) in the character's subconscious.
As the READER, here's what I say to you, as character (lucky this isn't really a fiction, huh?): Your dream, as you know, is articulating your fears to you, about your pregnancy, and your sister's pregnancy(this is the explanation part). You have been reminded, through the medium of your dream, of your relationship with your sister, of how there is a strange correlation between major life events, and of how lucky your sister is to have the opportunity to survive, and to bear a child, and at the same time as you.
As for the reassurance, well, I'm sure your friends here will and can provide you with plenty - but this dream wasn't about you. This is an opportunity for you to provide reassurance to your sister - at a time where she probably has fears similar to your own.
Maybe this dream is something you can be grateful for.
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