I had my ultrasound today, and it went very well.
Over all, I think I've been a bit negative about this pregnancy. From the beginning, I've been scared: afraid to get attached, afraid to acknowledge that it's for real, for fear that we'll learn something horrible and suddenly it won't be.
I know a woman who struggled with infertility for years. Finally, via IVF, she and her husband conceived. At the mid-trimester ultrasound, they learned that their baby had anencephaly, and they had to terminate at 20 weeks.
I imagined something like this happening to me, and I was afraid to get too attached. Once something unexpected does happen, I don't think you can ever be quite as complacent again. Suddenly every problem, no matter how rare, seems possible. Likely, even. At least to me.
I heard a man talking about cerebral palsy on NPR this morning. Now I'm thinking about cerebral palsy.
But I'm finally relaxing. I'm finally beginning to adjust to (read: accept) this pregnancy.
Paul and I waited for an hour before being called back for the ultrasound. Once it began, the scan itself took another hour. At one point, near the end, the technician said,
"I can't get a picture of the 4 chamber heart. I'm going to go get Dr. Dicke so that he can try to get a better shot."
Thump thump. Thump thump.
"We heard those same words three years ago," I explained. "Right before Dr. Dicke told us about our daughter's AV Canal defect."
The technician was apologetic, and quick to explain. We'd seen the 4 chamber heart, she reminded us, but she hadn't gotten a picture. And she had gotten good pictures of all the septa, both arches, everything was fine. She just couldn't get this one last required picture. Then the baby moved, and she captured what she needed.
We didn't even see the doctor before we left. Everything was fine. Everything is fine.
But this baby was modest. [She] likes to hang out in one tiny corner of the womb or another, often right under my belly button (where it's "dark" on the u/s) with her legs drawn up tightly against her body. Once, when the technician was right underneath the baby getting a "breech" shot, she actually put her hand down between her legs to obscure the view.
The technician is pretty sure that New Baby is a girl. I think there's plenty of room for doubt. And that's about perfect for me.
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6 comments:
All three of mine were shy on the ultrasounds, but they were not "extreme" u/s, just the regular 20-week ones. But none of the three kids would give us a good peek, there was always a leg in the way or some such.
#1-Son I knew in my heart was a boy, nearly the minute I knew I was pregnant. Ditto with Daughter; I even knew she would show up a week before the due date the doc gave me, although we counted off from what was a regular cycle. I missed guessing her birthday by one day but in my defense the labor did start the day I picked.
But I had no clue about #2-Son, to the point where I hadn't picked names for either gender as late as two weeks before he came. I think perhaps I was projecting my ambivalence about my pregnancy (#1 & #2 are 17 1/2 months apart.)
But even though I "knew" what Daughter was, I refused to commit to anything little-girly before she came. I had the example of my roommate after having #2; they'd failed to remember that "you can't prove a negative" and when they didn't see evidence on the u/s, bought all pink frilly stuff for what turned out to be a Robert Jordan.
Anencephaly is a heart-wrenching thing. My little sister lost two that way.
Yay!!! Not only am I elated that all is well but I'm also giddy over the fact that the gender is still a bit of a surprise (you and I so agree on this).
Charlotte was shy on her 2 ultrasounds as well (regular level 1? ones). The first time she mooned us, so the technician couldn't get good pictures of her heart. So we got a second ultrasound, and she primly kept her legs crossed the entire time. I honestly had no idea about her gender for sure. A couple of weeks before she came, I had one of those exceedingly realistic pregnancy dreams where I'd already had the baby, she was a girl, and her name was Charlotte. She was also 3 days old and talking to me, and I'd somehow forgotten to breastfeed her. The rest of the dream got stranger, but the name stuck.
We had a boy's name (Joseph) picked out too, but I wasn't quite as sold on it. While I was in labor, Nell Ann kept calling the baby "it" and it was driving me crazy, so she started calling her "CJ" and still does sometimes (though Charlotte has no J's in her initials).
Maddening as it may be not to know for sure, it makes for a wonderful first meeting with the new baby, when you can call her by her own name for the first time ever!
Evidently I have a house full of exhibitionists because all 3 of mine were spead eagle for the mid-term ultrasound.
Congratulations on seeing/hearing nothing but good news!
Well, YOU may be accepting of HER, but she's obviously not accepting of you seeing her bits yet! What a character! I'm glad you are relaxing! Try to stay calm!
Camera, "extreme ultrsound," I like that! That's what it feels like, too, especially about an hour in.
I am so sorry about your sister's losses. How awful. And twice! Unbearable.
Jessica, yes! Paul's taking it as a sure thing, which is what he needs, apparently, but I'm loving my uncertainty.
Kristi, exactly! Plus, there's plenty of time to be all Disney-princessed up later. And now is the only time that I can love this baby purely, unconditionally, sight unseen, gender unknown.
CCW, that is just too funny. What an image! How humerous that my child is already hampered by modesty.
Thank you, Pajama Mama!
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