Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Language is Powerful

This is essay was written by Carol Mills, an assistant professor of Communication Studies at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. One of her three children has Down syndrome.

***

This summer, ESPN promoted the NBA playoff with upbeat and funky promos featuring the song “Let’s Get It Started” sung by the hip hop group, The Black Eyed Peas. The song was actually an adaptation of their earlier release, “Let’s Get Retarded.” When I discovered this, I contacted ESPN and encouraged others to do so, too.

Do you think ESPN would have used the BEPs' song if it was originally “Let’s Act Like _____" (insert racial, religious, cultural, or sexist) epithet of your choice? Absolutely not. Though hip hop may play by different cultural and language rules, the Disney subsidiary ESPN does not. Adapting a blatantly offensive song clearly violates appropriate cultural and business standards. During the same time period, teen actor Lindsay Lohan repeatedly replied “that’s retarded,” when questioned about various rumors. And, Jon Stewart, of The Daily Show, regularly used the phrase “like a bunch of retards.” There was little attention or reprimand for any of them.

However, during the NBA finals weeks, there was intense media scrutiny and criticism for football coach Bill Parcels using the phrase “Jap play” during a press conference and basketball legend Larry Bird’s comments about race affecting the NBA. And, comedian Jimmy Kimmel’s show was taken off the air one night because he made an insensitive comment about people from Detroit.

These events reflect a larger social issue: Though dearly sensitive to slurs against other groups, the general population does not see the derogatory use of “retarded” as offensive. Using the word as a pejorative term is common in entertainment venues, daily conversation and children’s play. Though a child would be reprimanded for making a racist comment in most schools, it is not uncommon for students — even teachers — to use the word as an epithet for something they consider negative or inappropriate.

The implications for taking control of language are profound. If children grow up hearing that when they forget something they are “retarded” or that those who act poorly are “a bunch of retards,” how do you think they will react when meeting someone with a diagnosis of mental retardation? Do you think neighborhood parents will fight inclusion if they hear about “retarded children” more than if they hear about “children with developmental delays?”

Our society’s long-time use of “retarded” as an epithet is decidedly negative. We can work to end this. Speak up and educate people.

The best approach often is a direct one. You might say, “You know, ‘retarded’ actually means ‘to do slowly.’ The way you’ve just used it hurts me and many others. It’s like hearing a racial slur.” I’ve often done this, especially with college students, and they are surprised. Most have no idea they are being offensive. They think it’s just another word until told otherwise.

If being direct is too scary, try a gentle question such as, “What did you mean by saying it is ‘retarded’?” This can create an opportunity to share the term’s negative use. Or, if it’s comfortable, try humor. When someone says, “I’m so retarded...” you might say with a smile and a wink, “Oh, that’s okay, so is my son and I love him anyway.” After breaking the ice, explain why it’s important.

This is not about confrontation — it is about education. After awhile, you’ll find a comfortable approach. Yes, initially, it may feel awkward, especially when talking to a doctor, teacher or media representative. But remember, those people need to hear it most. The more you speak up, the more natural it becomes.

Similarly, you educate others about using “people first” language. If someone refers to your child as a “Down’s child,” simply say,“Actually, he is a child who has Down syndrome.” If the person says, “It’s the same thing,” or gives you “The Look,” you might ask if they’d like to be called by their last name first from now on. The words are the same, only the order is different, why should they care? Or, as many people do, ask if they’d want to be called the “ulcer woman,” or the “cancer dad.” Diagnoses should never define the person.

Finding our voice to educate others and correct language might be difficult, but it is imperative. This is not simply about semantics, political correctness or being overly sensitive. It is about respect. Once you start educating others, you will be surprised by reactions. A few may never get it, but most people will thank you. They will even tell you that they never realized the impact of their words. In that moment, you might say, “That’s why I said something. I knew you’d understand.” Then, breathe a sigh of relief and think of what and how you might respond the next time there’s a need to educate someone. And, we all know, there will be a next time.

Language is Powerful
— By Carol Mills, Ph.D., Tuscaloosa, AL

15 comments:

Krupskaya said...

So true. I'm really surprised and dismayed at how "retarded" as an insult is making a comeback -- but perhaps I just never knew it hadn't gone anywhere.

The Daily Show's constant use of "retarded" is one of the reasons I can't jump on board with it the way so many have.

ccw said...

I was horrified when I read an interview with one of the members of TBEP talking about this song. He said that they started playing the new version when they played large arenas because the handicapped people, etc were directly in front of the stage and that didn't seem right to him?????

I couldn't get over that; it was perfectly acceptable to sing it if "those people" were out if sight, but wrong if you had to see them.

Sarahlynn said...

Krupskaya, yes, that and The Daily Show's use of "pussy"/efemitization (word?) as a way of insulting men are two big reasons why I'm not 100% comfortable with the show. But when one complains about these things, people suggest that they make fun of all kinds of groups of people, and one's just being hypersensitive, or has "no sense of humor." I love that.

CCW, it sounds to me like the BEPs think that it's unfair that people with disabilities are given "special treatment" by letting them sit close to the stage. Probably it makes the group uncomfortable to have to look out and see people with visible disabilities (and since they sing "retarded," let's be honest - this is probably Down syndrome) rather than hot chicks, mostly naked.

flatflo said...

I love how she gives examples of different approaches. I will have to try some, as I personally cringe whenever someone says "That's so gay", "That's queer" or "You're gay". My sister has been in a long term relationship with another woman for the past few years. Many people do not know that because, for the most part, it's none of their business and so I don't speak up. But it does hurt me to hear how judgemental and negative people are towards those they don't understand. Unfortunately some of the worst offenders are my fiance's family, who live in a very white-bread rural community and have never had much experience with developmentally disabled, homosexual or even racial diversity. I am starting to speak up, and now have more tools to do so. Thank you for posting this.

Minnesota Nice said...

I recently had a big squabble on my blog over people using the word "gay" interchangeably with "stupid". It's hateful. I've noticed people using "retarded" more and more, even in the workplace, it's like they aren't even thinking. Oh wait, they're NOT...it's sad. Thanks for blogging on this.

Unknown said...

Carol is one of my dearest friends and it is so wonderful to see this piece being blogged! The two of us with be at the NDSC convention in Atlanta this summer, it would be so wonderful if you were to attend and we could all meet and chat!

Enjoy your evening away.

Peace, Tara Marie

Redhead Editor said...

Some people are genuinely not aware of these things until we, the informed, bring it up. Others are just insensitive and cruel. I have stopped my teenagers from saying "ghetto" and "gay" as derogatory and "wuss" as a combination of "wimp" and "pussy." Let's leave combination words to "brunch." Thank you for sharing this enlightening article. It should be required reading.

Sarahlynn said...

Flatflo and Sandra, you're welcome! And thank *you* for reading that whole thing!

Tara Marie, it's so cool that you know her! I won't be attending, but have fun at the NDSC this summer!

E, I never knew about "wuss". Thank you for educating me!

Anonymous said...

Great article. Thanks for posting it.

Sandy said...

I've just discovered your blog and this wonderful piece...thank you for posting it! I have always been so offended by the use of the word "retarded". We work hard here in our home with our two boys to have them not use it and to educate them about why we don't want it used. I finally just began to talk to them about some of the adults that I meet through my work who have Down's Syndrome or other intellectual challenges. I really don't think they had ever associated the word with a person before.

Love your blog. I have lots to learn and I'll be back!

Sarahlynn said...

Thank you, Sandy! I enjoyed what I've read of your blog, and your "A Tribute To Our Unborn Son" is incredibly touching. And heartbreaking.

kathy a. said...

late to the party -- i wandered over from moreena's place. this is a great post, great essay!

yeah, i was the mom who pulled the car over for a lecture when "gay" jokes erupted in the back seat. quite a few times, i've tried to explain in various settings why language bashing women or minorities or disabled people is just wrong, unfair and unkind. it stuns me that "retarded" has made a comeback; my own cousin has serious cognitive deficits because of a birth accident.

i wonder if the statement CCW quoted might mean something different? not that the band was offended by having disabled people by the stage, but that they did not think about how a word could be hurtful until they saw people it might hurt, right up close?

don't have any special knowlege -- i didn't even know who will.i.am is until i started reading about the obama video. but people of good will tend to start unpacking their prejudices when they hear stories, see people who are different, meet people with different perspectives, begin thinking of how the the world looks through someone else's eyes.

Sarahlynn said...

Kathy, that's a wonderful reading, and I'd like to believe that you're right! If only I could find an interview somewhere wherein will.i.am talks about the song, or if they'd removed it from their album instead of just adding the new version to later "printings" (I'm from the publishing world and don't know the recording industry terminology).

Thank you!

kathy a. said...

maybe one day. it is hard for someone who has made a mistake to come out and say that. it's a step if they stop saying the bad thing. i know that sounds lame. it's just that real progress always comes in little steps, i think.

maybe nobody has asked will.i.am, or maybe he just hasn't been ready to say he messed up. don't know.

Sarahlynn said...

Kathy, progress often does come in little steps, but I still think that when a public person says something offensive, it's appropriate to call them on it (or stop consuming their products) until they acknowledge that what they've said is harmful.

I haven't seen the interview response that CCW references above, so all I have is her interpretation of it - which is that he was pretty clearly non-repentant.

And it's not like they've stopped saying "Let's Get Retarded." When they re-released the album with additional tracks, they didn't remove this one.

I stand by my protest.