I'm not keeping up my end, mind you. Especially while I'm pregnant (but let's face it, that's not the only excuse) I'm not getting up with Ellie in the morning or putting her to bed every night by myself. I don't keep a spotless house. And I'm not always on top of everything else domestically-related, either. I don't do yard work at all. And laundry . . .
But yesterday was Paul's mom's birthday. I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago, and again several days ago, but I didn't think about it yesterday and I'm pretty certain that we didn't send anything, not even a card. Usually at least I buy a card, though it doesn't always get sent. Lately I've been backing off actually purchasing birthday presents for Paul's family, but this means that, well . . .
And the kitchen. Cleaning the kitchen and the floors (and, lately, the laundry) are Paul's things. None of them are done the way I'd like them to be done, or as often. Do I take them over? After all, he's working so much. All the time. His job is so important, providing most of our money and all of our benefits. And I'm only working part time. And Ellie's more self-sufficienct these days. (I am pregnant. And trying to study for the GRE. And write. And apply to grad school. And be a damn subdivision trustee. But he works all the time: days, nights, weekdays, weekends . . . I'm just lucky he can do so much of it from home.)
So. I have evenings out with friends. I have one planned for next week, in fact. Paul was out last night and tonight, for a work-people dinner at Morton's and for an hour-long massage that turned into a multi-hour event somehow. Neither of us used to go out much on our own, and we still don't do that much of it. I think it's more of a timing issue right now.
I'm stressed because Ellie's birthday party is this weekend. We have a lot to get done around the house first. None of it is new stuff, but it's stuff that's not getting done nearly as quickly as I would like. I don't want to leave it all until the last possible moment, because,
- There's too much to do at the last possible moment
- I know that I just don't have that kind of energy right now
- Dammit, it stresses me out
So, Paul, who came home tonight fighting a cold and looking like he was half asleep on his feet, washed some dishes, started a load of laundry, and put together an indoor wooden slide. I'm appreciative. And resentful. Because I don't think that I should have to be the one to keep the tally of what needs to be done and ask for help accomplishing each thing. That's not the way our partnership was set up. Is it inevitable that it becomes that way? Perhaps. I hope not.
In happier news, YAY, CARDINALS!
6 comments:
I'm minus a kid and a husband this weekend (which is so rare); please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
It's hard not to keep score. A bad habit but we all do it at some point.
Mr. MFBA has been gone all week and the fact that he was eating dinner and drinking a beer in peace pissed me off. Then when he wanted to get off the phone because the baby was crying, I damn near reached through the phone to strangle him. None of this is his fault; I'd be in heaven to have some time alone but I cannot stop myself from being resentful.
I hope that Ellie has a wonderful birthday party!
Oh what a difference the light of day (and a few hours of sleep) makes! Things are in nicer perspective this morning, even after getting up with Ellie in the cold dark at 6:30 am. It was awesome watching her discover the slide.
Jessica, I'd love advice on my basement sometime . . . and thank you. : )
CCW, exactly. I hate when I get jealous of Paul's business trips. And I admit to volunteering for two (short) business trips this year myself, when technically I didn't have to go on any. Work really can be a break. My favorite part of working part time has been my Wednesday lunches with girlfriends.
Let me know whenever you want to tackle the basement and I'll put it on my calendar.
It's the stage of your life as much as anything. It was so bad for me back when the children were very little (as in: just-born, 2-1/2 w/ a brand-new diagnosis of autism, and 4) that I gave up and hired out the housecleaning because I simply could not get their nap schedules to mesh so that I felt safe scrubbing the bathtub w/o one of them getting into mischief (or worse yet, my cleaning supplies). Let's face it, I really was not up for housecleaning at 9 pm after I got them all down for the night... Not to mention that vacuuming and sleeping babies do not mix. We couldn't really afford it money-wise, but I couldn't afford not to sanity-wise.
Hubs was the only provider of income, not to mention that he was spending 90 minutes a day on the road in L.A. traffic, but he was still the one going to the grocery store b/c I simply could not handle the three of them there. Two toddlers in the double-wide cart seat and a punkin' seat in the back -- where do you put the groceries?
I am glad your comments reported you felt better the next day. Please try to remember that you are doing so much right now--on top of being pregnant.
Your senses are heightened, your body is uncomfortable, your mind is just too busy. I am sure things will return to the way that they were after the baby is born.
My goodness Sarahlynn you are doing SO much right now. Be proud of it, don't let what your not getting done get you down--I am impressed with your ability to manage all that you have on your plate.
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