We were sharing concerns and one woman was talking about her troubled relationship with her mother. This grew into a larger discussion of the way that women interact, and culminated in this woman saying, "And we wonder why people hire men over women!"
Because, you know, women are always so sensitive, and we take everything out of context, and we spend so much time dealing with personal issues instead of getting the job done, and, really, it's so much easier to deal with men. !!!
Now, my response was not nearly as smooth as I wish it could have been, but I did make it clear that I thought that these over-generalizations were ludicrous and offensive. We moved on.
Afterwards, she tried to apologize. Fortunately, Ellie was ready to go and interrupted her rather uncomfortable and rambling apology before that part at the end where I would be socially required to say, "It's OK."
Because it isn't. And I wouldn't say it. Who needs Men's Rights Activists when a group of women can run ourselves down without any outside assistance? Completely aside from the fact that all women and all men aren't cut from gender-appropriate-behavior cookie cutters, and completely aside from the fact that most of these gender-specific manners of relating are socialized, not genetic:
Let's not forget the fact that women, in general, are often considerate of others in work situations. And that women, in general, are often considered to be "good team players," an apparent workplace benefit.
And, besides, if we hired more men than women, who'd book the conference rooms, make sure that the coffee is fresh, and bring baked goods on people's birthdays? And women's work apparel livens up a conference room. So there's that.
In honor of my frustration, this is a Pet Peeves discussion. Here are a few of mine. Please share some of your own!
- When my mother-in-law sends package after package of season-specific really big clothes for Ellie. It always seems like a comment on my growing a puny child or something.
- The way that Paul always thinks I'm staring at him whenever I glance out of a window on "his" side of the car
- The way people pile up in the left of two left-turn lanes onto the highway, blocking traffic and making me late
- People who stop their cars when they should be merging
- When Ellie whines and whines and whines and whines
- Disability-first language (e.g. "Down's baby," which I hear a lot)
- When Paul falls asleep while we're watching TV
- Feet touching me
19 comments:
Good for you for not giving the polite answer. Some women, geesh!
As for your peeves, you go girl. Remind me not to piss you off (or put my feet on you!)
Oh, as for my pet peeves: liars, backstabbers, unruly kids, people bringing their SICK kids into public and uh, bad drivers!
1. Ditto w/ Trisha
2. When they start road work in my neighborhood, especially in my intersection, at either 7:30 am or 2:30 pm. I live catty-cornered from our elementary school. School starts at 8:15, and it lets out at 3:20. School busses are hard to maneuver, and car traffic is thick. 3 PM is NOT the time to repaint the crosswalks, dammit.
Trisha, Children's TV shows must drive you crazy!
PajamaMama, good ones! Unless you mean me, of course. (Ellie is always congested, so if I never took her out when she's "sick," we'd never go anywhere.)
Camera Obscura, very nice! That's a good one.
PPB, that's so true. I am now hesitant to pull over when I know my driver's ed teacher would have told me to do so, because I'll be a safety hazard if I do so (because traffic just isn't slowing or stopping).
Beautiful freak, very nice peeves. Of course, I am guilty of some of them (my dog likes to poop under the neighbor's pine tree and Ellie's face is sometimes snotty) but that's what makes a good pet peeve. Obviously, if no one did the annoying stuff, we'd never be annoyed!
Hi, Tina! (Are you the expository one, or a different Tina?)
We call it something different when men are "catty" with each other, and they do it all the time.
Falling back on the old gender stereotypes: You always have to be so careful around a man's ego. And when two men get together, they end up doing stupid things because neither one can admit he's wrong or back down. This often prompts female coworkers to make quips about producing rulers so that the guys can settle things once and for all.
On to some personal examples: I know several men who say incredibly rude or hurtful things under the guise of "just being honest." (If a woman said these things, it would be "catty" or "bitchy.")
I used to work with a man who was always cutting people down and undermining team spirit/team work under the guise of "increasing productivity," even when he was accomplishing just the opposite.
Men act badly. Women act badly. We're socialized to do so in slightly different ways. But while the flavor might be slightly different, the nutritional information is still the same.
Good post!
Pet peeves. . . I have so many. . .
-I hate feet on me, too!
-My mother-in-law always says "is that new?" about something whenever she comes over - and it's usually something we've had for years. Also, her "must be nice to be rich" comments. (fyi - we are so NOT!)
-cats that use my garden and the sand at the park as a litter box. I mean, my dog has to be on a leash and licensed, but it's the cats that wander around doing what they do.
-in relation to the previous, I hate seeing dead cats on the side of the road. It enrages me that their owners are the ones responsible - that's why they make leashes and harnesses for cats!
-people who let their kids run around at restaurants (and other inappropriate places). The moment some kid crashes into a server and gets burned from hot soup/coffee/whatever, you know the parents are going to freak! (lawsuit, anyone?)
-smokers. esp. when gathered at the entrance to a smoke-free building (as they all are here).
I'll agree with Canada on smokers.
Incompetent people. I don't mind if you need help, but if you have no clue or want to work to find one, I can't help you.
Slow drivers. And fast drivers for that matter too.
Squirming children. Sorry, kid, but you have to wear a diaper and pants. It's just the way of the world.
Native English speakers with atrocious spelling.
Speaking of old gender sterotypes that just won't die, I was appalled after reading this weeks cover article in the West Newsmagazine, called The Best of Both Worlds.
I've included the link and a quote
http://westnewsmagazine.com/cover.html
"Some say women prioritize families and other things over careers because their natural traits prohibit them from effectively competing with men in the professional world."
"Women are naturally more emotional, which can make it hard for them to make quick, tough decisions," said Dave Williams, a West County resident. "To make it in business or other professions, you need a level head and a lot of women just can't cut it."
"In addition, women rarely ask for more money because they have naturally inferior negotiating skills than men, said Lois Frankel, president of Corporate Coaching International."
Good for you for not condoning her behavior. I agree that MRAs have nothing on women. We can stereotype and run ourselves into the ground faster than most men. It's a crock, yet I am always amazed at how women look at me when I contradict the bullshit.
- whining kids
- clutter on the floor
- drivers who ignore the 50 million signs to merge and then expect you to let them in at the last moment
- fake contractions
1-People driving toward you in the dark? with their brights on - you blink their lights - they do NOTHING!
2-Folks who feel they are entitled - regardless of whether they are or not
3-Don't get me started!
Enjoyed it ya'll...
There are the constant peeves, such as drivers not using their turn signals--they're there for a reason! Or people that litter. Smoking in public places.
Then there are the peeves that have more immediate bearing. Like potential employers sending rejection letters with absolutely no feedback. Where did I go wrong? Was there a skill that I was missing? Something I said or did not say in the interview? I'm pulling my hair out here!
Finally, moving into a new neigborhood and nobody introducing themselves for half a year. There, I fell a bit better now.
Oy! I'll try to keep my list short:
1. People who take a drink while still chewing food (they usually swallow the beverage and then continue chewing).
2. Parents who are afraid to discipline their children.
3. Passive aggressive behavior.
4. Smokers who toss their butts (often still lit) on the ground. In fact, people who litter in general really annoy me.
5. Although I love competition in the way of games, sports, etc, I am irritated by competitive bloggers.
6. Hypocrites
Canada, thanks! And a big "ew, gross!" on the kitty not-litterbox.
Mypetrock, I'm not a perfect speller myself, but I fail to understand how someone doesn't make an effort to type correctly when, say, producing work-related correspondence. It's very nice working in a publishing company, where most people can read and write at an adult level.
Sarah, that is hideous. Hideous. And, sadly, believeable.
CCW, a pox on the clutter! And, also, don't think of them as fake! They're working! You're dilating! It's really happening! (albeit slowly. very slowly.)
Welcome, Kernnerd! I'll add one to yours: people who flash their brights at me when mine are off! (I have very bright headlights.) But this isn't a major pet peeve of mine, because I do enjoy flashing right back.
Flatflo, those are good ones! You know, at my company, they don't even bother to send rejection letters. You interview, and then . . . sometimes you don't hear anything at all. Nice, huh?
Jessica, it infuriates me that people don't see throwing cigarette butts out the car window as littering. It is certainly littering! What is a competitive blogger?
Sarahlynn - one of the things that amazes me is that, regardless of how huge the forum of blogging is, one can often run into the same people again and again on various blogs. This appeals to me as it offers a sense of community and familiarity in what could be considered a pretty significant network. What I don't like, however, is when I come across people judging other blogs unfairly - more than once, I've gotten the impression that some people take this so seriously, they turn it into a competition/popularity contest.
OK, how do you know you're a middle child? When you read through a list of pet peeves and find yourself thinking to yourself, "Oh! But I think I can explain why people do that! Don't be annoyed!" Pathetic, really.
Ok, I was laughing about you getting enjoyment from flashing your brights to show what they look like when they are really on. I do this and I realize it is assy behavior, but it certainly does give me a moment of satisfaction. Maybe I need a hobby?
You're right, Moreena. As another middle child mediator, I can see the why in the annoying things some people do. But they are still annoying! People that do things things have a rationale, even if it's not very logical. I've been told by a smoker that she throws her butts out the window because if she puts it out in the ashtray it will make her car stink, and will litter it up. Don't these folks realize they are stinking up the whole world with their litter?
Late, but plenty peevey:
1) Oh, god, the whining! Aaagh!
2) When people don't use roundabouts properly. Which isn't really fair of me, but there you have it.
3) Mispronunciation
4) The WHINING!!!
I hate it when people say their free speech is being infringed when you say that they shouldn't insult you to your face.
People who like to brag about how they like to insult minority groups.
Here is a good one for you.....this weekend, heading out of a big box store, a group of men we shaking cans for the ARC....Great Cause and I'm so happy they are volunteering their time to help support our local ARC....and then I hear "Please help little RETARDED kids" "Help the poor RETARDED children"....UGH...huge pet peeve!
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