4 weeks

Ada is 4 weeks old today! She has the most amazing toothless grins, especially as she's falling asleep. I love when she cracks her dark blue/grey/hazel eyes open just a little, sees me looking at her, smiles, and closes her eyes again, completely relaxed. Can there be any better feeling than that?

She obliged me by sleeping a lot today, mostly in bed next to me. (Yesterday she took two 2+ hour naps in her crib. That's in the nursery. Across the hall from our room, where she usually sleeps in the bedside co-sleeper.)

I too slept a lot today, and Paul worked from home, doing much of the Ellie care and changing Ada periodically. Fortunately, this seems to have been a very short stomach bug, the best kind. Now that Ellie and I are feeling better, here's hoping that Paul and Ada don't get sick.

Anyway, Ada is already changing so much. Primarily, there's the smiling, but also the fact that she's getting fat! I love it. She was born long and lean and strong, but now she's getting rolls on her thighs, an additional chin, even plumping up her hands and feet. Since I am her sole source of nourishment, I take an enormous sense of satisfaction from this. Her early cries ("Caw!" Like a crow) are growing to include more lovely baby coos. She now loves peekaboo.

She still has her little umbilical cord stump. It's supposed to have fallen off by now, so I'll call the pediatrician later this week. But I'm not too worried because it doesn't seem at all unhealthy or infected. My sister's baby was terribly dehydrated and lost her stump almost immediately. Ada doesn't seem all dehydrated! I think she just wants to hold onto all aspects of womb life for as long as possible.

Despite the fact that Ada is a winter newborn who sometimes sleeps in bed with me and has an older sister who exposes her to all kinds of preschool germs (a cold and stomach bug already), none of those is my primary worry.

In fact, Ada seems so healthy and happy and wonderful, it's hard to worry about her at all.

What I worry about is Ada with Ellie. I think Ada smiled in response to Ellie's voice today. I hope she did. Normally, as Ellie gets too close and reaches for Ada, Ada (not unreasonably) grimaces and flinches, often fussing until Ellie goes away.

Ellie is going to love Ada, strongly and forever. I want Ada to love Ellie too. I want Ada to love Ellie, care for her, protect her, share friends with her, take care of her, be there for her forever. I want her not to resent her big sister, to do all these things for her because she loves her, not because she feels like she has to.

It's a tricky line to walk, as their parent. I need to allow Ada alone time with her friends, and ask her to include Ellie at other times. I need to encourage Ada to do right by her sister, but not instill such a sense of responsibility that she feels resentful.

I love both of my daughters, and I want nothing more than for them to love each other. I look forward to the day when they have a special relationship that doesn't include me, when they start whispering to each other, staying up late and sharing secrets, growing up together.

This is what I worry about, what I hope and pray for.