Gentleman's Agreement by Laura Zametkin Hobson

Have you read Gentleman's Agreement by Laura Zametkin Hobson No? Well, you should read it! Everyone should read it! Once upon a time, lots of people did - it spent five months at #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List after it published in 1947 - but it has since fallen out of favor. I'd never heard of it until a friend picked it for our book club's February selection, spurring probably the best discussion we've ever had.

The novel's current lack of visibility might be due in part to its Amazon blurb: The plot of GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT concerns the experiences of a young Gentile writer who poses as a Jew in order to secure material on anti-Semitism for a series of magazine articles. A thesis novel concerning the social and economic aspects of anti-Semitism in American life.

No, really, it's good! I wrote all over my copy of the book, and then typed up my notes. And, yet, it was fun.

It's a quick read, easy, but not shallow (except a little right at the end). And it's non-threatening, too, for a book with such a point. The main character is an ally (not prone to some of the major prejudices of his day) which casts the reader into the same role and allows us to hear hard truths and appreciate them while thinking ourselves exempt or hidden.

This is one of those books that has stuck with me and I find myself using some of its figures of speech in my everyday life weeks after completing the read. Flick, tap.

The novel is about a California-based widower and writer who gets a job with a major weekly magazine in New York City and relocates his family. The first people he meets are his new editor - who gives him the assignment of writing a series on antisemitism - and the editor's niece - who inspired the idea for the assignment and becomes the love interest/second main character. The writer gets the idea that in order to write convincingly and interestingly about antisemitism, he must experience it first-hand. So he introduces himself to everyone he meets as a Jew and undergoes a rapid transformation.

The novel deals not only with antisemitism but also with other forms of prejudice, including racism and sexism. I especially enjoyed some of the nascent feminism, as the author gently drew us along with contemporary lines like, "I'm having people over tonight. A couple of girls and people." How great is that? The role of women's work in the running of a household provides an interesting background, as do the the characters' remarks about "womanish softness" of thought and "a vague resentment that it's a man's world."

But the parts that really stuck with me were about antisemitism and are equally relevant today, with our own various -isms. Prejudice comes in little "flicks" and "taps." “Rarely was the circumstance so arranged that you could fight back.” "They gave you at once the wound and the burden of proper behavior toward it.” There's a lot of discussion about “the complacence of essentially decent people about prejudice” and the question of whether it's gauche or required to make a scene and speak out against prejudice whenever you encounter it (even if it's at a formal dinner party with an important client).

All this unfolds as part of a love story between the writer and his editor's niece. She inspired the assignment and is passionately antisemitic . . . but perhaps she
has a different understanding of what antisemitism is and means and how best to respond. What brought the couple together eventually drives a wedge between them.

If you read - or have read - this one, please let me know; I'd love to discuss it with you! And if it doesn't sound like something you're willing to read, the novel inspired a movie by the same name, starring Gregory Peck.

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Reader!

Ellie just read a Dr. Seuss book to me! It took forever and she missed several of the words. But. She! Read! A! Real! Book! To! Me! I am overjoyed.

Party Planner

One month ago, Ada's birthday party was easy: she'd have an exact replica of her older sister's fifth birthday party. Oops: our favorite clown is in Hawaii this week. But that's OK, she had another idea, anyway. "I want an Alton Brown party!" Oops: this TV celebrity doesn't know you as well as you know him. But two weeks ago, Ada's birthday party was still easy: we'd go to Whole Foods for one of their cooking parties and I wouldn't even have to clean my house. Oops: Whole Foods had a massive kids' event last Saturday and no birthday parties were held all weekend. This is when things got a little complicated.

Alton Brown hosts a science-themed cooking show on The Food Network called Good Eats. He's also the host/food historian/scientist/commentator for Iron Chef America, but Ada doesn't watch that show. (Good Eats is a show we occasionally watch together while I nurse her baby brother.) It turns out that not only does Alton Brown not regularly perform at children's birthday parties halfway across the country, but also he's not a popular children's party theme. There are no canned party-in-a-box options to purchase. There aren't even Alton Brown-themed party hats. What to do? Here's Ada's 5th Birthday Alton Brown Party, for your amusement.

We decided on a Saturday morning party from 9-11, at which guests could wear pajamas (so that Ada could wear her favorite footie pjs). First came the homemade invitations (since I couldn't exactly order Good Eats invites):


Could you tell that's supposed to be an egg with bacon?

Ada was turning 5, so allowed 5 guests plus herself and her sister (4 guests came, for a total of 6 little girls). As they arrived, we greeted them with homemade name tags so that all the adults would know the children's names - the girls are now old enough that not all the parents needed to stay! A first. The girls went into the dining room and began decorating colorful aprons that would also serve as party favors.


When they'd finished their aprons they washed hands and divided themselves into two groups (by the color of their nametags). The Red Team stood on stools at the kitchen counter with Paul, making vanilla cupcakes. The Purple Team sat at the dining room table with me, making monkey bread.


As the projects baked, Ada opened her presents. Then all the girls sat in the family room to watch me standing behind the kitchen counter making a fool of myself demonstrating yeast and gluten while baking bread. (Thanks to Kristy for taking pictures. Thanks to my sister-in-law for the loaner lab coat and glasses!)



We secretly had three loaves of bread going so that the girls could see the mixing/kneading stage, the risen stage, and the baked stage in short order. After scraping dough from their hands, the girls divided back into their baking teams. The purple team decorated freshly baked cupcakes at the kitchen table while the red team made fruit kabobs in the dining room. The teams then switched stations, and when everyone was done the kids sat down together to eat at the dining room table.



Between activities there was time for free play in Ada and Ellie's room or taking turns flying Paul's remote controlled helicopter. I think it all went remarkably well! THANKS to Paul for co-leading and for making so many of my ideas come to life (including the cupcake toppers and laundry basket of gluten). Many, many thanks to my parents for making the 300 mile drives (separately!) through ice and white-out conditions to be here and to take care of Teddy during the party.



Today was Ada's birthday proper and she got to pick all the food: doughnuts for breakfast, mac and cheese for lunch, and tacos with re-fried beans for supper. Then more presents and it's all over for another 364 days! (Here she's opening a cookbook from her sister.)

How Embarrassing

Tonight's dinner: Cod en Papillote, Brussells sprouts with bacon.

Between last week's MASSIVE trip to Whole Foods and this week's trip, I took a cheater trip to our local chain grocery, Schnucks, for Diet Coke, cupcake decorating supplies, etc.

But Whole Paycheck drew me right back in this week with its promise of organic, sustainably, ethically farmed everything. Well, that and the story time with a guy from the local Little Gym that got the kids involved and active. Since I was already in the store . . . might as well shop! And I did so well this trip! Almost everything I purchased was from the outer rim of the market: produce and cooler sections. I only needed three items from the aisles: oatmeal, couscous, and chickpeas. (See above re: cheater trip to Schnucks.) I was also shopping for fewer meals since we'll be eating out a couple times this week. But I "only" spent $206 this time, so: win.

Back to that trip to Schnucks for a moment. I went with Teddy and Ellie on a Saturday afternoon and the place was hopping. As I entertained my kids and tried to help load my cart, the cashier next to "my" cashier called over with a question.

"Hey, this lady can't buy HER ALCOHOL with her FOOD STAMPS, can she? No, I didn't think so. I'd better look that up!" And she proceeded to make her whole line wait while she pulled out a three ring binder and perused it for a while.

I busied myself with my children, not looking up, horrified. At first I thought it had to be a joke. No way the (familiar, long-time) cashier could possibly have been so rude, callous, horrible? Oh, but yes, she certainly could. My jaw literally hung open for a while.

As I walked out of the store a few minutes later, I passed a woman talking to the manager. The woman was nicely dressed and looked like she might have just come from work with her black slacks and black-and-white blouse. She was about my age, had no children with her, and defied just about every stereotype you might have heard about people on food stamps (which incidentally, is supposed to be a relatively private matter. as I understand it, the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program - SNAP - is now administered via a debit-like card, so other customers need never know who's receiving benefits and who is not).

I was very glad to hear her explaining the situation to the manager and how she'd never felt so degraded, so humiliated in her life. I marveled at her composure. I'd have been a red-faced, shaking-voiced, emotional wreck. I hope some good (and, at the very least, staff retraining) came from such a painful experience.

All this threw my nutrition-rich but COSTLY trips to Whole Foods into sharper relief.

15 Years Ago Tonight...

Fifteen years is a long time, especially when you're still a "young adult," like me. (I wonder if I will ever begin to feel like a "real" grown-up? Perhaps when I learn to consistently do my dishes immediately instead of leaving them on the counter to cure for a while first. Surely that's a sign of adulthood.)

Heck, five years is a long time!

But 15 years ago, Paul and I were 19 and 22 and we had our first date. It didn't go very well, but it went well enough. We knew immediately that we'd never date casually, and we didn't. After that first night - where we had a dinner we didn't enjoy followed by bowling with friends who didn't think we should be together and ending with one of us physically bolting out the door, shoes in hand - it was just the two of us forevermore.

Life is good.  And I'm not just saying that because something happened to our Wii Fit Balance Board so that it registered me as losing 10 pounds since last week. (I'm doing well but not *that* well!)

Tonight we did not celebrate with Chinese food, bowling and ER (the TV show, not a catastrophic hospital visit). Tonight we went out for steak with our three fabulous children, came home and made homemade peanut butter all together, got the kids to bed, and cuddled on the couch like, well, like young adults.

I'm looking forward to the next 15.

They're Just Lazy Gluttons!

I want to be sure I'm feeding my family healthful foods and not dosing them with massive quantities of pesticides, herbicides, hormones and antibiotics. So I went to Whole Foods.

I stuck carefully to my prepared shopping list, which corresponded to my menu for this week:

Monday

Breakfast: old-fashioned oatmeal, cutie

Snack: cheese stick

Lunch: Mediterranean Chicken Salad

Snack: hard-boiled egg

Dinner: Spinach-stuffed Salmon Filet, vegetable medley, salad  

Snack: a glass of wine

Tuesday 

Breakfast: Berry smoothie

Snack: hard-boiled egg

Lunch: Lemon-couscous chicken

Snack: yogurt

Dinner: Turkey/Oatmeal meatloaf, steamed asparagus, mushrooms sautéed in olive oil, salad

Snack: fruit and unsweetened peanut butter

Wednesday

Breakfast: cereal, berries

Snack: apple and peanut butter

Lunch: Greek salad

Snack: yogurt

Dinner: Logos/leftovers

Snack: pear & peanut butter

Thursday

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, cheese, spicy fresh salsa

Snack: celery & laughing cow cheese

Lunch: Chef’s salad

Snack: yogurt

Dinner: Herb-marinated chicken, salad, steamed vegetables

Snack: yogurt shake

Friday

Breakfast: berry smoothie or half grapefruit

Snack: hard-boiled egg

Lunch: open-face roast beef sandwiches

Snack: yogurt

Dinner: Pizza and salad

Snack: baked apple crisp

Saturday

Breakfast: egg "muffins"

Snack: yogurt

Lunch: leftovers

Snack: veg and hummus

Dinner: Beef Burrito Bowls

Snack: pudding

Sunday

Breakfast: fruit/toast/cheese

Snack: cheese stick

Lunch: tomato stuffed with tuna salad

Snack: cheese & tomato

Dinner: out!

Snack: a glass of wine

I spent $335.

And I've spent a lot of time in the kitchen over the past couple of days.

And my children - while they get the added benefit of carbs (a side of bread or pasta for dinner, pretzels for a snack, etc.) are not exactly excited about most of this food.

Contrast this with a dinner at the pizza buffet place, which costs $4.99 for adults, $3.99 for kids, and makes everyone happy (if not healthy). No wait, no prep time, no baby crying in his high chair while Mommy chops veg for salad.

So, yeah, it's easy to see why everyone doesn't eat this way all the time.

Beowulf on the Beach: What to Love and What to Skip in Literature's 50 Greatest Hits by Jack Murnighan

It took me more than two years to read this book, but don't let that scare you away. I think you should read it, too!

I loved this book. I didn't agree with the author about everything, but I did agree with him about a lot of things and I loved his passion for literature alongside his irreverent take towards it. This month, for Barrie Summy's Book Review Club, I'm discussing Beowulf on the Beach: What to Love and What to Skip in Literature's 50 Greatest Hits by Jack Murnighan.

Murnighan "has a Ph.D. in medieval and renaissance literature from Duke University. He is the author of The Naughty Bits and Classic Nasty and has written for Esquire, Glamour, and Nerve. He lives in New York City and teaches creative nonfiction at the University of the Arts."

I don't hold all that against him, though. He writes like a hip professor who really really wants to pass along not the IMPORTANT SYMBOLISM or CRITICAL HISTORICAL CONTEXT of classic literature but rather a love of reading great books along with an understanding of how to read "tough" books and why the effort is worthwhile.

The publisher's blurb:

Did anyone tell you that Anna Karenina is a beach read, that Dickens is hilarious, that the Iliad’s battle scenes rival Hollywood’s for gore, or that Joyce is at his best when he’s talking about booze, sex, or organ meats?

Writer and professor Jack Murnighan says it’s time to give literature another look, but this time you’ll enjoy yourself. With a little help, you’ll see just how great the great books are: how they can make you laugh, moisten your eyes, turn you on, and leave you awestruck and deeply moved. Beowulf on the Beach is your field guide–erudite, witty, and fun-loving–for helping you read and relish fifty of the biggest (and most skipped) classics of all time. For each book, Murnighan reveals how to get the most out of your reading and provides a crib sheet that includes the Buzz, the Best Line, What’s Sexy, and What to Skip.

I found that if I tried to read the book straight through, the chapters and various classics began to bleed together. So I used it as my palate cleanser, reading a chapter or two between other books as I finished them.

And now I intend to start all over, using Beowulf on the Beach as a to-do list to fill in the gaps in my reading of the classics. I'm especially loving the "what to skip" bits, some of which confirm that a book that's supposed to be "great" but I have no interest in might not actually be so wonderful after all. (Murnighan has a theory that people like sets of three and sometimes an author or books is tossed in with two other, far greater works to make a complete set.)

My favorite part of the book is that Murnighan is so completely un-snobby about literature. He tells you everything you need to know about each book in order not to embarrass yourself at a literary cocktail party. And he also tells you what questions to ask to poke holes in the blowhard who quotes famous lines from books he probably hasn't read.

(Fourth Monday Book Club, this book is why we're reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude this month. I hear it's "the greatest novel of our era." And who can resist that?)

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Merry Christmas

(Wash U Class of 1997 friends note the sweatshirts. Hope to see you at Reunion 2012!)

The Season

Project Christmas Hat is 6/10 complete. On a related note, all of my nails are broken and the skin on my fingertips is extremely dry.

Still to come: Project Christmas Candle, Project Christmas picture, Project Christmas Letter, Project Christmas Baking, Project Christmas Open House, and Project Christmas Presents. (Project Christmas House is relaxingly completed.)

Baby news, in case you're interested - and of course course you're interested! - Teddy is now 8 months old. 8 months! He's a confident sitter and is starting to get onto hands-and-knees to lunge forward. He'll be crawling before long! He is also beginning to wave. Today Paul asked Teddy, where's my mouth? Where's my nose? And Teddy reached out and touched the appropriate parts at the appropriate times. So cool. He's talking, too. By which I mean that he knows, gleefully, "Dadadadada!" for his father and "Ah-duh,ada,ada,ada" for his sister. Also, angrily, "Mamamamama!" for me and, occasionally, a cheerful "Hey!" for hi.

I love this kid. So glad we added a third.

(So are the girls. They're also nuts about Christmas. But now I need to catch some sleep; Teddy has a cold, is cutting 4 teeth at once, and will have me up before long!)

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher

Hey! This here's Barrie Summy's monthly book review club.

For next month my book club is reading One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez. And that was my choice. But there's another reader inside me, too. And that reader likes to read fun books that are quick and consumable and exciting and pulpy and fun. Also, did I mention, fun?

That reader discovered Harry Dresden a few years ago. What's not to love? In Jim Butcher's contemporary urban fantasy series, Chicago looks much as it does today. Except that, in the Yellow Pages, there's a single listing for a "Professional Wizard." That's Harry Dresden, and he's an old-school private investigator who solves problems with little help from modern technology (electronics don't do so well around magic).

The novels might start like classic noir detective stories but soon the missing artifact or other de rigueur case turns out to have an occult twist. To sum up the awesomeness here, so far we have:
1) Funny series novels set in Chicago
2) Classic mystery set-up
3) Magic.

What's not to love? That's harder to put my finger on. But I found that I don't want to read two Dresden novels back-to-back. Butcher's voice grates on me after that and little . . . flaws? stylistic choices? character idiosyncrasies? . . . in the writing begin to call attention to themselves and draw me out of the story.

So I read the books one-at-a-time, with space between, because I really like to enjoy each one. These stories have it all: wizards, magical politics, faeries, goblins, trolls, zombies, vampires, werewolves, angels, priests, fighting, battles, war, romance, you name it and it's probably somewhere in this world. As an added bonus, the main characters are geeks.

Another benefit to the slow-read approach is that I didn't catch up to the author for a long time.

But when I finished Ghost Story (Book 13, naturally) last week, I was stuck. The next novel isn't due until next summer! And only one per year after that! Alas.

If the above description captures your interest, let me underscore that/reassure you in two ways: Butcher's writing improves as the series progresses, and the novels are better than the short-lived Sci Fi Channel series loosely based on the books.

If you've tried just one or two of the novels but haven't gotten hooked, I'd recommend perseverance. I was shocked - shocked! - at what happened in Changes (Book 12). It sent me scrambling for Side Jobs, an anthology of short stories and a novelette set between various novels in the series, as well as a novella set immediately after Changes. Then I rushed right into Ghost Story, which left me hanging deliciously.

I'm looking forward to book 14 - and it's worth noting that the author does have a planned story arc for the entire series, including an ending - but I think the first 11 novels, fun as they were, were worth reading as prelude alone for all the changes in books 12 and 13.

Recommended light holiday reading.

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Weekly Menu

In December I like to eat out. A lot. I crave Mexican food, Italian food, Red Robin. I want warmth and comfort and calories. So I have to make sure that my frig is stocked with stuff I really want to eat at home or we'll be out every night.

As you may know, I make a(n almost) weekly menu and post it on the frig along with what's going on each day. Here's this week:

Sunday:
This was supposed to be a meat/wine/mushroom crockpot deal but due to timing ended up being a wine-free skillet hamburger stroganoff type of dish. With peas over egg noodles.

Monday:
Lamb meatballs in a North African sauce over garlicy pearled couscous with glazed carrots.

Tuesday:
Slow Cooker BBQ pork. There's a lot of Christmas prep going on here and I might wimp out and use a bottled sauce. Served on wheat buns with kosher dills, salad, and some sort of vegetable.

Wednesday:
Paul and the girls will be out; Teddy and I will enjoy baked chicken breast. Possibly some yogurt and something in the vegetable family.

Thursday:
Leftovers, yo

Friday:
Pizza and a movie night! Going frozen this week.

Saturday:
Well, I might just get my comfort food out this week, after all. :)

Down syndrome is focus of new blood test for pregnant women

I thought this was a good, balanced article.

Down syndrome is focus of new blood test for pregnant women

The test (from a competing company) was supposed to be ready before I became pregnant with Teddy but was delayed. I understand and sympathize with the concerns many have about the non-invasive diagnostic test but am glad it's available, would have used it with my last two pregnancies (I had the far more painful, dangerous, and scary CVS instead) and would definitely use it if I became pregnant again. With my first pregnancy, I had amniocentesis.

Choosing to have Ellie was one of the most intense and defining moments of my life. In that moment - though I had already been pregnant and excited and preparing for months - in that moment I became a parent. I became an adult. Being Ellie's mom fills me with intense joy and devastating pain.

Similar states, of course, are common when loving and parenting any other child.

Thanksgiving 2011

Table for 10:


Child #2 vs. Thanksgiving dinner - dinner wins!


Child #3 vs. Thanksgiving dinner - child wins! If I hadn't taken Teddy to bed, I'm relatively certain he'd still be eating. The big hits: TURKEY, mashed potatoes, and sweet potatoes.

Reporting

Tonight I called 911 for the first time in my life. I was driving in the left lane down Kirkwood Road (a major street) between Target and Sports Authority. I slowed when I noticed traffic - three cars - stopped in the right lane. As I drew even with the stopped cars, I realized that there was a man lying in the street in the middle of the right lane. And the waiting cars were honking.

I don't know. Maybe the guy was playing a prank and lying in the highway for fun. But I kinda figure that if a pedestrian is lying in the street he deserves the benefit of the doubt that there's a good reason he's there other than that he's just trying to delay your trip.

I stopped, pulled out my phone, and called 911. A man stepped out from a nearby bus stop/shelter, walked up to the man lying in the road, and dragged him to the curb. Now both lanes were "clear" and it didn't seem to make sense to continue blocking all southbound traffic, so I proceeded slowly while still talking to the dispatcher. I gave her my name, confirmed my phone number, and answered her questions. She assured me that she would send police to check it out.

I stopped off for coffee at Dunkin' Donuts, and when I got back to my car I saw two police cars, two ambulances, and a firetruck. The man from the street was sitting on the curb as medics brought over a gurney. Maybe he was "just" a drunk. Maybe he was homeless. Maybe he was ill. Maybe he was struck by a car.

But for heaven's sake, why on earth were people honking their horns at him and why hadn't anyone else already called 911?!

Disneyland 2011: Privations and Pratfalls

We had a wonderful, fabulous time at Disneyland. And I'll write a more detailed trip report than anyone wants to read. But our misadventures make a funnier tale.

T-3: One child develops a fever.

T-2: Paul gets called out of town on a last minute business trip right before our vacation. By leaving his meeting early he can get home at 11:00 PM the night before our trip. We leave the house at 4:30 the next morning. Yes, 5 hours after he returns home. This sucks because, a) he's exhausted, and b) I need to do a great deal of the packing and preparing by myself with the "assistance" of three small children.

T-1: I try on the custom-designed shirt we've ordered for each of us (yes, we are a family who matches clothes each day at Disney. why not?) only to find that - lo and behold - it's shrunk at least two sizes after its custom dye job. Everyone else's white shirt is fine, but mine is thin, skin-tight, and the Mickey ears form an unfortunate ring-around-the-breasts design. So . . . I drag two children - one still with fever - out to shop for another shirt to go under the disaster shirt, figuring that if I layer 3 shirts together I can make myself into a featureless sausage casing, in this case a preferable alternative. (It works, more or less.)


Trip Day 1: "Ma'am, that beeping sound means that you've been randomly selected for additional screening." I pride myself on making it through security without slowing down the line at all, no matter how many electronic devices or small children might be in my party. Today is no exception, except that Teddy and I are "randomly selected for additional screening" on this trip - in both directions! The helpful TSA lady brings me my bin after my infant and I are cleared . . . and somehow I become permanently separated from my clear plastic baggie of lotions, medical ointments, sunscreens, etc. I don't realize the oversight until we're in the air.

Trip Day 2: Safe! While waiting in line for a map I notice Paul and the children greeting Mickey Mouse. Hooray! I skip the line and sprint across rain-splattered asphalt to rejoin my family for photographs. Oops! Slick spot. I slide LOUDLY into a metal trashcan as though I'm stealing home. Over a week later, my knee still hurts a bit. My pride has recovered somewhat.


Trip Day 3: Please don't call child protective services. Ada's on-again/off-again fever strikes and she falls asleep in the stroller. Ellie really wants to paddle canoes.(Did you know that you can do this at Disneyland? Win!) So I find a shady spot alongside a wall, Paul parks the stroller with Ada inside it, and I hop up on the wall and cover up modestly to feed the baby and let him nap on my lap. After a quiet, relaxing interval, Paul and Ellie return. Paul brushes past the stroller, whose brakes are apparently not engaged, and . . . the stroller rolls across the slanted walk and crashes into the landscaping 10 feet away. Ada (not seat-belted) tumbles out into a bush, wakes abruptly, and begins crying. We discuss the episode later that afternoon. She thinks I'm kidding and has no memory of the fall whatsoever. Whew. "That would be scary," she says.


Trip Day 4: We wake early. Eat granola bars in our hotel room and pack without incident. We check out well ahead of schedule and try (for the second time this trip) to find our way to the beach with GPS or a detailed map. (Head west! Water must be here somewhere!) We travel on deserted highways and stumble upon a Starbucks immediately before finding beautiful, deserted Newport Beach. We watch the sun rise over the water for a bit, then head to the airport. We return the rental minivan, navigate security, and arrive at our gate, still ahead of schedule. Nothing goes wrong! Uneventful trip and a perfect travel day. The only weirdness is that somehow we watched sunrise over the ocean in California.

An Angel, a Cowgirl, and a Mummy

An Angel, a Cowgirl, and a Mummy sit down on a swing . . .

Sounds like the beginning of a joke but it's the end of tonight's trick-or-treating. (The angel is my niece, Abby, age 4. Ellie and Ada are 8 and 4-1/2.)



Trick-or-treating followed a dinner of mummy dogs, grilled cheese jack-o'-lanterns, spooooky spinach soufflé, Halloween salad (including carrots, black beans, and toasted pumpkin seeds), and deviled eggs (some were "tricked" out with cayenne pepper on top).


Not pictured: one 7-month-old sea turtle who went to bed before dinnertime.


On to November -

Good luck to all my writer friends beginning work on National Novel Writing Month!

(Carbon) Dating Myself

This afternoon, 4-year-old Ada and I sat on our front porch swing waiting for Ellie's bus as I pushed us gently back-and-forth and we discussed the relative merits of Swedish Fish vs. Sour Patch Kids.

Then Ada started quizzing me. First she spelled the names of each of my three children, checking to see if I could identify each one. Then she moved on to Biology.

"First, after the dinosaurs, a monkey had a baby and it was a human and it was you, Mommy!"

Sounds about right.

Unconnected Thoughts

Anecdote the first:

Ada and I are home together working on math: number recognition, what-comes-next, greater than/less than. Also on tonight's lesson plan: turn taking and good sportsmanship.

We're watching Big Ten Volleyball.

Anecdote the second:

I'd forgotten a few things about exercise. For example, I'd forgotten how much I hurt all over for the next couple of days after a good workout. Also, related to the first thing I'd forgotten: to stretch afterwards.

Connective Tissue:

None. My brain seems to be working in these little bite-sized nuggets lately, which is why I'm doing a lot more Facebook status updates than blog posts.

Mother Drunk When Baby Vanished!

This story is all over the news today. And it's exactly the kind of story that makes me see red.

Let me be clear. I do not think it's a good idea to be intoxicated while being "on duty" as the primary caregiver of children.

(There's also an argument to be made that as a parent one is always, at some level, on duty. Even if it's Girls' Night Out and Daddy's home with the children, if disaster strikes, won't Mom be immediately back on duty, even if she's had a couple of margaritas?)

Also. I don't know the specifics of this case, and I have no idea if Deborah Bradley had something to do with her 11-month-old daughter's disappearance.

My complaint is with the way this story is being reported and with the popular response.

1) SHE WAS DRUNK! SHE IS A BAD MOTHER! Bradley admits that she might have had 5 glasses of wine after her daughter went to bed on the night in question, while the baby's father was at work. It certainly would have been far more responsible to drink when a sober adult was available to care for the child. But this response vastly underestimates how common I believe it is for parents to drink while being . . . parents.

2) SHE PUT HER BABY TO BED UNREASONABLY EARLY! SHE IS A BAD MOTHER! Bradley says she last saw her daughter when she put her to bed at 6:40 PM. This is a normal, healthy bedtime for an infant - depending on the child, of course. My 6-month-old son is often ready for bed at 6:00 PM. At this same age, his older sister liked to be asleep at 7:00. Suggesting that 6:40 is crazy early is . . . ignorant and judgmental. As parents we need to watch our children and follow their cues.

3) SHE DID NOT CHECK ON HER SLEEPING BABY! SHE IS A BAD MOTHER! I don't check on my sleeping babies every night, and I am a good mother. Seriously. I only check on them when I have reason (logical or not) to be concerned about them. Otherwise, opening the sticky bedroom door, walking over to the bed, leaning over to listen, bringing my special mama scent into the room, maybe even laying a hand on the baby's chest to make sure he's breathing . . . all of this has the strong potential to wake him up!

4) SHE IS FAT! SHE IS A BAD MOTHER! I've seen a fair amount of speculation that she must have inadvertently smothered her child since she's overweight. Likewise, since the parents have different last names, I've read a couple of comments from people blaming this on the parents not being married. These responses are examples of common, ignorant bigotry. (So glad my three children have survived thus far despite me having a different last name than their father.)

I hope baby Lisa Irwin is found. I hope she is OK. And I hope that the way the media is reporting this story - focusing on the BAD MOTHER judgement rather than on details that might help with a search for a missing child - doesn't hinder the search/investigation.

But I strongly resent the tone of this discussion.

Practical Magic

I just finished making some fabulous Boston Baked Beans (with salt pork) from scratch.

The process took 24 hours. They're delicious . . . but they're going straight into the frig.

When I realized that dinner was not going to be done on time, I had ten minutes to throw together an alternative meal. Thanks to the wonders of modern kitchen appliances and convenience food products I managed to get thick slices of oven-warmed ham, mashed potatoes, a medley of vegetables, and cheddar garlic biscuits on the table in time for Paul and the girls to enjoy before dance class.

I do enjoy from-scratch cooking sometimes. But I'm really really glad I don't have to do it for every meal!


***


Oh, and that nap thing last Tuesday? It was totally a birthday present. Teddy still refuses to nap during the day. At all. Even though he really needs the sleep. But at least he's a good sleeper at night!