Tired

Over the last 2 nights I've spent several hours on the phone. I am not a phone person, so being on the phone is a little like work for me. And these were not chatty calls to friends or family; I was talking with two different moms who are preparing for their infants' open heart surgeries. I felt like I needed to be careful of each word I said, because I remember how certain things people said to me when my spiritual wounds were fresh really stuck with me.

I tried to share hope without assuring them that everything will be OK. I hope that everything will be OK, but how can I know? I tried to listen sympathetically and not jump in with my own stories all the time. At the same time, I tried to share Ellie's story to help them know what to expect - I know that I really wanted to hear others' experiences when I was in that dark and scary place. But most of all I wanted to hear that everything was going to be OK. Now, all I can say is that everything is OK for me, for my family. I can't share the (incredibly awesome) survival statistics for this surgery because statistics take on new meaning to mothers of babies with Down syndrome.

As volunteer work goes, this is so easy and I am so glad to do it. It doesn't seem like a burden at all. But it's still draining. Good night.