I'm still thinking about men and women and violence, and I want to explore a little more about how weight ties in to how I feel.
I hate the way I look and feel right now. I loved my strong, healthy body when I was married. I have been married for 4 years and have probably gained 10 pounds a year since then. So, yeah. Sometimes I see pictures of myself and think, "That can't be me! I don't look like that!"
There are very few things that I like about being overweight, but there are two advantages.
1) I feel invisible to men. While I was flattered by positive attention before, in a way this is oddly freeing.
2) I am larger, more substantial. I take up more space. I'm not easily pushed around. I feel less. . . fragile. Even though I was in good shape before, I was small. Now I'm not. In an odd way, there's a sort of power in this.
I guess that's my silver lining for the day. I still hate the way I look and feel. I'd like to give the smaller, more vulnerable, more visible me a try again. If only there wasn't so much sweat and hunger in between here and there.
New Release Spotlight: Amber Wardell
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Happy release day to debut author Amber Wardell! BEYOND SELF CARE POTATO
CHIPS addresses the toxic self-care culture that tells women bubble baths
and ...
2 weeks ago
5 comments:
That's it. We are SO having a playdate.
The kids can come along, if they want.
I'm in!
Can I come along? You and I are kindred spirits. This can't be my body. I have to go buy clothes this weekend for my new job, and I don't want to buy clothes for this body. I have been working out for 6 weeks with NO results. I don't eat that much. I blame it on the meds I take. But I am so much more than "that fat lady" over there. I have a heart and a soul and so much humor. And I'm even sexy. Hard to find under the fat!
Interesting thoughts. I've also noticed the feeling of being invisible with my new value-added body post kids. But I usually attributed this to the whole mental shift that comes with having kids.
Mostly I just have been having a hard time giving a damn anymore what I look like. Once a nurse in the hospital (our favorite nurse, so not someone being unfriendly) gently suggested that I wear something besides the holey sweatpants I had been wearing for the past several days. Hey, I had sewn up the holes in the buttocks area! Anyway, I was shocked that she would even think that it mattered one little bit to me what I looked like at that point. Eventually, though, I took her advice, got out and bought some new clothes to wear around the ICU, and surprise surprise I did actually feel better.
It's this strange thing that we can sometimes completely forget what we look like (and I think that it's also one of the blessings of growing older). Still there is a part of me that enjoys looking good and being healthy.
Did this relate at all to your post?
Moreena and Ciara - yes.
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