A Life of Her Own

Ellie is 14 months old. She babbles and has a sign or two but does not talk. She does not yet walk and rarely belly crawls, though she does get around when she needs to. She understands lots and can sometimes put shapes in her shape sorter but she's still very much a baby.

This morning was the women's Bible study Christmas party (this is a really cool group, by the way). The babysitter couldn't make it, so the little ones were in the room with us. A little boy called Trevor, one year older than my Ellie, said something to me about her and it included her name. I was amazed that he recalled her name and was so interested in her.

Trevor's mama told me that the other day they were out shopping and saw a picture of a baby. Trevor said,

"Ellie!"

His mama said, "No, Trevor, that's not Ellie. It's a baby that looks a little like Ellie though!"

I had a moment of confusion, then I realized: Trevor and Ellie stay with the babysitter together for an hour a week. Of course he knows who she is. And she probably knows who he is too. But I don't know this kid! For the first time, my daughter has an existence separate from mine. It's a strange thought but I need to get used to it soon; she starts "preschool" in January when I go back to work part time.

This is one of those strange moments of separation and, in its way, loneliness that I did not expect. Another came after Ellie was born and I realized that even though I was holding my beautiful newborn and was surrounded by supportive family, I felt lonely. I was used to having someone sharing my skin and it felt strange to be banging around in here all by myself again.