Practical Magic

I just finished making some fabulous Boston Baked Beans (with salt pork) from scratch.

The process took 24 hours. They're delicious . . . but they're going straight into the frig.

When I realized that dinner was not going to be done on time, I had ten minutes to throw together an alternative meal. Thanks to the wonders of modern kitchen appliances and convenience food products I managed to get thick slices of oven-warmed ham, mashed potatoes, a medley of vegetables, and cheddar garlic biscuits on the table in time for Paul and the girls to enjoy before dance class.

I do enjoy from-scratch cooking sometimes. But I'm really really glad I don't have to do it for every meal!


***


Oh, and that nap thing last Tuesday? It was totally a birthday present. Teddy still refuses to nap during the day. At all. Even though he really needs the sleep. But at least he's a good sleeper at night!

"Shared" Hobbies

Me: You'll be interested to know that Meg won Design Star.

Paul: Oh, Good! Everything she sewed had such a nice, flowing -

Me: It's a home design show.

Paul: Right! I mean, all the wood she cut had such a nice, flowing -

Me: It's more of a decorating sort of show.

Paul: Of course, I mean her curtains -

Me: Now, that just sounds dirty.

I love this man. :-)

Also . . .

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME: Teddy is taking a morning nap *in his crib* for the first time in his life. Alleluia!

Stay...cation

Glorious world, fall weather is here! Now I'm waiting for the return of the pumpkin spice latte and my joy will be complete. Especially because I just found the Starbucks gift card my in-laws gave me for Christmas. It was tucked inside the wrapper of some new SmartWool socks that I haven't needed for several months.

"Mommy, remember when we went to Wyoming? And Indiana? And to the cabin? And stayed at home?"

This is Ellie, recapping our summer vacations. I had a great time visiting my parents and Paul's, at a family reunion in Brown County, Indiana, in Chicago, and indeed all summer long. But this weekend might have been the best vacation of all, not least because I got to shower in my own shower and sleep in my own bed. It's a blast being a tourist in my own town.

Festivities started on Thursday evening when the girls got haircuts at The Hairy Elephant. This is a real treat. The waiting room is filled with cool toys and books. They get to select their own flavored shampoos from colorful pump bottles. Then they lie on a bench while the stylist washes their hair with a long, gray trunk attached to an elephant head on the wall. How cool is this? With clean, wet hair the girls select a video and a seat. This week Ada chose Lightening McQueen and Ellie a white golf cart. The stylists - experts with kids including children with special needs - make the cut fun and follow it up by allowing the girls to choose plastic clips for their hair, then stickers and suckers. We picked up cupcakes for dessert on the way home.

Friday morning Teddy and I went to our weekly play group while Paul and the girls went on their first horseback trail ride. Ellie got to ride all by herself! Ada decided that instead of gymnastics she'd rather take riding lessons this fall. (Nope, sorry.) We met for lunch afterward then had a quiet afternoon and evening at home (Friday night pizza and a movie).

Saturday morning, one of hottest days of the summer so far, we went to Six Flags. We rode the Ferris wheel as a warm up, then the girls begged to be allowed to go on what looks to me like the most terrifying ride in the park (Pandemonium) a roller coaster that spins in 360's as it moves along the tracks. It was, apparently, fun, though Ellie does not want to repeat the experience. It was so very hot. After lunch we discovered the water rides, and much fun was had by all.


Sunday was all about the bikes. The girls and Paul rode our tandem trail-a-bike to church - I'm told this is very hard work for the lead biker - and they loved doing that. After Teddy's nap we drove downtown to the Gateway Arch and did the most touristy activities imaginable: quadracycle and carriage rides. Then spaghetti, Ted Drewes, and home.


Today was a BBQ at home with family and then one last trip to the pool for the season. Perfect weekend.

Since he comes everywhere with me, I should mention my third child. Teddy was a great sport being carted hither and yon and stuck outside in ridiculously hot weather. But he exacted his revenge in the middle of the night by not sleeping much this weekend.

Bring on Tuesday!

July

Now that we've got temperatures over 100 degrees, again, I figure it's time to give a photo review of our July.

Cooling off in Lake Michigan, at my parents' house, and at Shedd Aquarium in Chicago:
(Teddy was only 3 months old!)

Nature drives (rather than walks, this summer):


Swimming lessons, slip 'n' slide, park:


And a baptism, but that deserves a post of its own.

I've had babies in the winter, before, and have felt a little trapped in my house by the weather. Having this baby in the spring would have been perfect except for the fact that this summer was hot and we spent a fair amount of time trapped inside the house by the weather! I'm not complaining too much, though. After all, it's September, glorious September, and crisp fall weather is right around the corner.

First Days

Last week saw Ellie's first day of second grade (second grade!) and Ada's first day of Pre-K. Wow. People aren't kidding when they say that "it goes by so fast." I think childhood is like a glacier. At first there's so little perspective that you barely feel like you're moving and then, all of a sudden, your child is counting the moments until she's old enough to sit in the front seat (age 12 - Ellie knows she has just over 4 years to go) and talking about going away to college. Zoom, momentum.



Oh, also, another first last week:


(Other quick Teddy notes for my later reference: size 2 diapers, blowing lots of raspberries, and rolling over onto his tummy in the middle of the night, getting stuck, and furiously screaming for help. Hilarious. Three bouts this summer of clogged duct with pain and fever: less funny.)

Pressure To Keep Silent

On one hand are the folks who say, "Children with Down syndrome are gifts from God," and are relentlessly positive. I have every concern that any complaints I make will be met with judgement.

On the other hand are those who hear my exhaustion and think, "I would never choose this for my own family." I have every fear that any complaints I make could influence others to chose not to have a child like my Ellie.

All this weighs like a heavy load of sand pouring upon my head, pushing me down and filling my mouth, keeping me silent.

All parenting is hard work. But sometimes parenting a child with special needs is especially hard work, and this is what I want to talk about.

It's hard to talk about. Because any example I come up with - of my child pouring a bottle of water all over herself or dashing out into the street or being unable to handle a stressful new experience - a nearby parent of a typically developing child will be able to say, "Oh, my son did the same thing last week."

It's not about a specific behavior; it's about a pattern, a matter of degree, an increased frequency, an unquantifiable difference.

These two things exist simultaneously and without conflict for me: I love my daughter so much it hurts, - and - sometimes parenting her is exhausting and I just want it to be easier. Yes, even though she is a gift from God, a delight, a joy, a blessing. Sometimes the burden is heavy. Sometimes her diagnosis does feel like a burden. For her, I'm sure, and also for me.

The best compliment anyone ever paid me was when a friend told me, "I love watching you with your children; it's obvious how much you really enjoy just being with them."

My love for my children is apparent and undeniable. Recently, I've been coming to terms with the fact that parenting one of them is hard, too.

My child behaves impulsively. She might dash out into the street without looking, she might leave the house while I'm in the shower, she might reach across a hot stove if she sees something she wants above it, she might do something I've never once considered doing. It's hard to child-proof a house for a child who behaves in ways I can't anticipate, and who is tall and strong and smart enough to drag a chair over to reach whatever she needs, and has mastered the magnetically locking cabinets. Moreover, I don't want to childproof the house against her! She's nearly eight! She's my big helper! She can get her own snack, feed and water the dog, wipe down the table after dinner with a clean rag, and reach toys off high shelves for her sister. I want to teach her to be responsible with her body, to think things through, to make good choices. These are hard lessons for any kid, but - you see where this is going.

Primarily, I'm aware of this: as hard as it can be to parent a child with special needs, it's much harder to be the child with special needs. Ellie struggles so much everyday and my heart aches for her. What parent wouldn't die a little inside, seeing her beloved child hurting when things are more difficult for her, when she's constantly being corrected, misunderstood, overlooked?

Next up: Don't discount my child because of her diagnosis.

Hi, Hi

I'm still here; we're just trying to figure out this sleep thing.

In the meantime, yes, more pictures. Here's hoping they really are worth a thousand words!



We are 36, 34, 7-1/2, 4-1/2, and 4 months. The girls had a shared "half birthday" special celebration day to remind us all that It's Not Just About the Baby around here. We're having a great summer with lots of day camps and swimming and family fun indoors. The heat has been terrible, though (glad it's finally relenting!).

What else for a quick note? Four months old, Teddy's chewing on his fingers like crazy, wearing 9 month clothes (!), chatty chatty chatty with the baby coos, and starting to roll over from time to time. He gets stuck in his crib occasionally and needs help rolling back the other way. The other day he wrapped himself up like a burrito in his playmat on the floor by rolling while his feet were on opposite sides of one of the arches. He thinks nearly everything is hilarious, especially his two big sisters. Off to bed with me!

Reality Summer

All that middle-of-the-night time I used to waste sleeping, all those evenings we used to go out together for family walks, bike rides, and ice cream runs? I'm now home with the baby during those moments, and I've filled the time with television.  Or, as I like to say: I've replaced sleep with TV and exercise with doughnuts.  This too shall pass. But in the meantime:

• 1) Project Runway. Welcome back! I've missed you so.
  
• 2) So You Think You Can Dance - dance - dance - dance - dance. I wish some of the costumes and routines were a little less overtly sexual, and I definitely need my volume control for Mary Murphy's enthusiastic responses, but this is a family favorite. The girls love "playing" the show as we watch it. Ellie is the host, Ada is a dancer, and Paul and I are the judges. I'll call the finale right now: Sasha, Melanie, and Marko. My vote's with either of the first two.
  
• 3) MasterChef: yes and no. I love the premise of the show (home cooks competing like professional chefs!) and the challenges. The whole program is great except for the judging. Ramsay can be a bit too foul and mean and Joe Bastianich can be a bully and worse. He chose one woman who is obviously intimidated by him and he just beats her down, over and over again. Sure, you have to be tough to succeed in that business. But whatever his justification, what he does to her is way past constructive and borders on sadistic. Hell's Kitchen - hell no.
  
• 5) Design Star: delightful as always, dahlings.
  
• 6) Food Network Star: what fun!
  
• 7-11) Chopped, Iron Chef America, Heat Seekers, Chefs vs. City, 10 Dollar Dinners: why, yes, I've finally discovered the Food Network. (While we're at it: a nod to Bravo for Top Chef Masters).
  
• 12-16) But I haven't given up HGTV, either: Selling New York, Property Brothers, , Bang for Your Buck, Extreme Living, My Backyard's Gone Disney, etc. I have, however, tired of the constant marathon of House Hunters and House Hunters International. I'm also fairly certain that I'm an expert at home staging though I'm not planning a move.
  
• 17) I'm not so into America's Got Talent. And I hear there's this other show like it that's all about singing. I don't watch that one, either.

I have, on the other hand, been watching Primer Impacto and Aqui y Ahora in an attempt to slow the atrophy of my brain. Spanish-language newscasts show lots more dead bodies than network English-language American news programs. The competition is fierce. The basket is no picnic. And the clock stops for no one. Your time starts now. To clarify! I watch 1-2 of these shows per "day," while I'm nursing the baby. With Ellie I watched all of The West Wing followed by the entire series of NYPD Blue. With Ada I watched a lot of Ellen.

Prepare for the Cute

Teddy, 3-1/2 months; Ada, 4 years; Ellie, 7-1/2 years. Also starring: cousin Abby, 4 years.

I love my kids, and wow, am I smitten with this baby. I won't bore you with Teddy's most recent stats, mostly because he hasn't hit his 4-month check-up yet. But I want to note some of his latest activity, so here it is. If you're not interested in drool and coos, feel free to enjoy the photos then click along!

I feel like Teddy skipped the newborn phase. I look forward to seeing this child grow up (crawling! toddling! driving?!!) but I'm not in a rush. I'll keep the middle of the night diaper change grin fests and my ability to cure anything that ails him with a single rendition of The Noble Duke of York as long as possible, please.

He's so alert and engaged, which I love. He's easy going. I spend zero time walking laps around my house, pleading for him to settle down enough to sleep. He has a schedule. He lets his sisters hold him. He's willing to tag along wherever, whenever. In short, he's a perfect third child.

A couple of weeks ago, Teddy found his right hand and began sucking it vigorously and regularly. Less than a week later, he found his left foot with his left hand, and, presto: a perfect self-soothing mechanism. One hand in mouth, opposite hand gripping toes. Good thing it's summer and he's usually barefoot.

He loves his new exersaucer dealie. (Thanks, mom!) He joins us for meals at the dinning table, frequently in his little booster chair. And I know he's my son because he a) needs some awake alone time every day, and b) already loves books. What three month old shrieks with delight when you sit him on your lap to read picture books?! He's also chatty and Paul thinks he's trying to talk.

Perfect baby.

June

With a little selective picture curating I can make my children look like stereotypical girls and boy:

(Sorry Cards fans. This was a Father's Day gift for my dad.)

Or I could show you the girls fishing with Paul while Teddy exercises with me. That would be fine, but it's much more fun to show this fabulous shot of all three of them looking over to examine something in the water:


In truth we're a little bit of everything all mixed up.


(I love that last one even though it's blurry.)

The Seige Continues

The plague of cicadas is past but our trial isn't over yet.

For the past couple of weeks, small branches have been falling from the giant oak tree in our front yard. Squirrels, I decided. Paul mowed them all up, only to find the yard covered again the next morning. No rain, no wind, no audible overnight squirrel party. Just dozens and dozens of small branches on the lawn.

Phase two, larger branches up in the tree are beginning to die. Fresh green leaves, newly full-sized and still with the brightness of spring about them are turning brown and shriveling up. Soon these larger branches, too, will fall.

Has our tree contracted some dread disease? Perusal of our other two pin oaks, the golden maple, several large evergreens that anchor our lot, and the littered lawns of our neighbors, show that all the big old oaks in the neighborhood are experiencing the same problem to various extents.

Our shady subdivision would look very strange without its gorgeous cover. Plus these huge trees would be very expensive to remove. But before I begin to panic I key one more search into my friend Google.

Aha.

Apparently, "the female cicada cuts into tender twigs to lay her eggs." This can cause smaller or heavily attacked branches to die but large, hearty, healthy trees shouldn't be at risk of destruction from cicadas.

Hopefully the oak trees will be back to their usual glory next year. And my children will be 20, 17, and 13 when this particular cicada infestation returns.

Patriot

The lack of civility astounds me. The loss of value for honor, integrity, and truth horrifies me. Our relentless pursuit of sensationalism and the shallowest possible understanding of important issues sadden me.

Not that long ago “flip flopper” was a political kiss of death. Now we no longer expect anyone to believe in anything. We expect politicians to kowtow to whichever group’s vote they’re trying to court.

What happened to the Straight Talk Express? What happened to the “service” part of “civil service?”

What happened to maturity?

I don’t like what we’re doing militarily in Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, or Yemen (etc.). But I also acknowledge that we have caused additional instability in regions that can little afford it and have some responsibility to shore up what we broke. And I think we need to do a heck of a lot more for our vets when they come home: from taking care of their health care needs to addressing the real issues with re-integration into a civilian life.

I chafe against certain taxes. But I’d willingly pay more of others, because I think it’s ridiculous that we can expect to engage in wars without “tightening our belts” at all. I believe in the importance of public education, public funding for primary research, infrastructure, and a social safety net. I don’t believe that any child should be hungry. Or any adult without access to affordable health care.

I detest certain litmus tests. I’m Christian but think it’s ridiculous that politicians must profess my faith to have any hope of being elected in many places. I’d rather politicians demonstrate honor, integrity, intelligence, and maturity. Their faith (or lack thereof) is their own business. Flag lapel pins? Please.

We have so many more important things to deal with.

People who intentionally distort the truth to inflame the public should be publicly reprimanded and probably fined until it hurts. Global climate change and evolution should not be significant political issues.

Many rural areas have no obstetricians to deliver babies because of malpractice insurance. And everywhere physicians over-treat (causing additional problems for patients) because of worries about lawsuits. And yet we spend all our time squawking about Planned Parenthood. We care so much more about whether or not a woman should have the right to terminate a pregnancy than we care about the staggering numbers of children in the foster care system, or living in unacceptable homes, hungry and without the care and support they need in order to grow and thrive and become contributing members of society.

We’d rather draw lines in the sand about an individual’s right to own assault rifles than sit down together and have constructive conversations that address the balance between individual rights and the responsibilities of living within a society.

I’m anti-drug. I’m not wild about cigarettes or our over-fascination with alcohol, either. I don’t advocate a return to Prohibition. I’m for common sense. I’m for responsibility. I know addiction is a serious issue requiring more than the threat of prison to solve. But I’m weary of everything being so addictive (gambling, sex, pornography, junk food, television, chemicals, etc.) that the individual bears no responsibility for moderating his or her own behavior.

I’d like to vote for people who are willing to work hard and make the tough decisions - to be leaders rather than windsocks.

"We've got serious problems, and we need serious people, and if you want to talk about character, Bob, you'd better come at me with more than a burning flag and a membership card. If you want to talk about character and American values, fine. Just tell me where and when, and I'll show up. This is a time for serious people, Bob, and your fifteen minutes are up."

Aaron Sorkin can write!

Not My Hair Day

Ada wants to have curly hair like mama's. So, while we watched Free Willy after bath one Saturday night I put Ada's hair in braids.



Perhaps she's not meant to have curly hair.

(Although my brother-in-law's picture from later that same day makes Ada's hair look a lot better.)

The girls also took turns "doing" my hair by spraying my head with a water bottle and yanking a comb through my snarly locks. Noting the scissors on the floor in the first photo, the evening could have turned out much worse!